Edit, proofread, wordsmith, improve, rewrite sales piece

We are looking for a wordsmith to provide a 200 AND 400 or so word version of text below. You will submit two pieces, one short and one long. The improvement should come in the form of editing existing text and making changes to improve the style of writing. We are going for cool humor...the kind of writing you would expect to see in Groupon product descriptions. If you are familiar Groupon writing, then you know what we are seeking. If you would like to be considered for the project, please cut and paste this in your reply "I AM A FUNNY CREATIVE WORDSMITH AND CAN IMPROVE YOUR PIECE". If you dont copy and paste this text, I will assume you didnt read this project description and are spamming us. Here is the piece that needs to be improved/converted: Major wireless companies spend billions of dollars on the cost of operating retail stores, fancy advertising, slick packaging, sales commissions to retail partners, new handset subsidies and customer service. Guess what. When you pay your cellphone bill, you are paying for these costs. If your cellphone bill is $80, approximately $40 of that is to pay for unnecessary expenses. At Divvy we do business online and provide the same cellular service you expect from the major carriers. The twist? We ask that our users perform some of the operational aspects of the company such as marketing and customer service. We take it another step forward and ask our customers to find their own GSM-based phone or buy one of our recycled ones. When we divvy-up the responsibilities with our users, we avoid the overhead and high operational costs of other mobile phone carriers. This allows us to develop some cool and creative programs for passing along savings to users. Our Friend Circle program allows users to invite friends via facebook, twitter and email. If those friends sign up then we reduce the customer’s wireless bill $5 for each friend. If your bill is $50 with Divvy Mobile and 10 of your friends sign up, your service is free for as long as they remain active users. Another approach to saving money off your cellphone bill is to help users with customers service. We allow our users to help other users with questions and enrollment. Our community platform tracks interactions. When a Divvy user helps a new Divvy user, that customer gets a discount off their bill. The best part of Divvy is if you have a GSM phone, you can still keep your same phone number and phone. There are never any contracts, credit checks or termination fees with Divvy and everyone is approved for service. Join Divvy today. (the inspiration for this can be found in a video at [login to view URL]). They are our competitor. Goals for both versions (in order of priority): 1. The reader should understand how we save the customer money (we divvy-up expenses w/user). 2. The reader should understand that to get service with Divvy, they purchase a sim card that they can insert into any GSM phone. If they currently have a GSM phone, that phone is probably compatible.. If not, we can sell them a recycled phone to reduce electronic waste. (we care about environment) 3. We support something called "Wireless Number Portability" which means they can switch to Divvy and keep their old number. 4. We provide the same nationwide coverage as the other major carriers. 5. We have a program called the "friends circle" where a user gets $5 off their bill when they refer other friends to the service. If they invite 10 friends and their bill is normally $50, their service is free for as long those friends remain active. 6. Customers can also recieve discounts by helping with customer service... chatting or posting useful information for other Divvy users will result in further discounts for active customers. 7. We never shackle users to long term contracts 8. Anyone can become a Divvy user. No credit checks and everyone approved. 9. Our monthly plans range from $40 per month to $60. [login to view URL]